I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
