I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
