I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
