Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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