So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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