update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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