Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
another moral hangover. fuck.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize