We're like a lot better than the average bears
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
