i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
