I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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