I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
