Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
