I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
