I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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