I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
