I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
