No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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