Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
