Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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