He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
