i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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