You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
