I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
