I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
