State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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