i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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