oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
