There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
