i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
