i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
