the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
