After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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