No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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