Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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