I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
