good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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