I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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