Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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