dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
