Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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