It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
