Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
