just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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