I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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