Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
