Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
