I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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