Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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