Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
