By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
