It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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